Was talking over my current mindset about riding, spending pleasure time, working time, etc., with a friend, and came up with what amounts to perhaps a decision-making dilemma.
In light of Liz's recent crash where she was STOPPED at a red light...
Then a situation a few months back getting rear-ended while sitting at a red light (dude fell asleep in his pickup and ran right into her)...
My own crash a couple years back where, again, I was stopped and a drunk plowed into me causing me irreparable damage to my body and mind (the nightmares continue)...
Basically, I've been looking for a reason to care about riding any more, and...
I'm finding damned little.
Riding around here is basically just waiting for death. Everything is so congested, and everyone's in such a hurry, and on their phones, and in their cocoons of steel and glass, full isolated from giving any fucks what's beyond their windshields. It's just scary riding around here any more.
So, we go riding in WV, and... meh.
Look, it's all lovely down there. I think most of us know that. It's great. But riding down there is literally just doing loops, and hoping I don't hit gravel and deer and asshole rednecks crossing the double yellow, and over-the-mountain torrents of rain, and deer, and then deer. I'm in constant state of... something. I don't know. Maybe it's fear, but certain hypervigilance, to the point of ruining the ride for me. It's more about obstacle and situation analysis and avoidance, and compromise, than it is about full on enjoyment.
Maybe I'm just feeling my mortality, maybe being over 50 with so much metal in my body after being nearly killed IN one of those cocoons... Maybe it's just run its course with me. Maybe I'm just scared. I keep coming back to that. I don't heal like I used to. And I don't WANT to have to heal like that any more. Maybe I'm just apathetic.
I dunno... Maybe the bike goes away in Springtime. Maybe I'll find renewed eagerness in riding. Maybe this. Maybe that. Who knows.
More importantly, who really cares?
Thanks for letting me whine. It's nice to get it all out.