So I have a feeling that my daughter's boyfriend is going to asking my permission tomorrow. He asked if I was going to be home tomorrow, and he never does that, and he didn't let my daughter know he was coming over to talk to me.

So...ideas advice from the EOE? Been there, had regrets, wish you had said? What happened to you, and did it make an impact?  Is my 44 dirty and in need of cleaning? (Ground is froze so I can't take him out to show him a hole.....I know you should always pre-dig your holes).

Help a dad out here-let's spit-ball some ideas....

Do you like him?  Would you approve?

Good luck w/ that. Fortunately I have several years(at least 10) before I have to worry about my daughter getting married.

But did you ask your father in law?

Do you like him?  Would you approve?

I like him. He has good qualities. He does make my daughter pretty happy, but the future is long, and a father wants his daughter to have the best.

Your heart will tell you what to do. Good luck

This is my plan B.

You need to lecture him on how women are not property to be given away or asked for. He should be spending his time earning her (and your) respect. 

Truthfully, what I say or think means little. They will do what they want eventually. I think this is a show of respect as much as tradition. (and I am not signing over the title until I am ready. )

edit to add: At least they are telling me.

  We never lived together, were engaged or married. I never asked her dad for marriage because I never considered it. We just had 2 unplanned children. I was young & stupid. Now I'm just old & less stupid. One might think that I would have learned after my son was born.

...so that happened. 

Quote from: Max Wedge on December 28, 2013, 10:14:24 PM

Quote from: Stripes on December 28, 2013, 10:07:49 PM

  We never lived together, were engaged or married. I never asked her dad for marriage because I never considered it. We just had 2 unplanned children. I was young & stupid. Now I'm just old & less stupid. One might think that I would have learned after my son was born.

...so that happened. 

 

kind of like "it is what it is."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzX5J_ttavA

at the 1:20 mark

Quote from: Stripes on December 28, 2013, 10:15:51 PM

Quote from: Max Wedge on December 28, 2013, 10:14:24 PM

Quote from: Stripes on December 28, 2013, 10:07:49 PM

  We never lived together, were engaged or married. I never asked her dad for marriage because I never considered it. We just had 2 unplanned children. I was young & stupid. Now I'm just old & less stupid. One might think that I would have learned after my son was born.

...so that happened. 

 

kind of like "it is what it is."

Not to get off topic, but kind of. I made some poor choices w/ my personal dating & sex life when I was younger. I never was w/ a woman that I felt strong enough about to marry & now I think I'm past the stage of getting married, but you never know. When my son was conceived, I got the story that she slipped & forgot to take her birth control. We tried to be a family, but the Mom & I just ended up hating each other & went our separate ways. She moved to Texas & got married & had another child w/ her new husband. I paid my child support,  but never had a chance to really buikd a relationship w/ my son. After a few years, she & her husband were hell bent on adopting my son & me signing off of my rights. At the time I thought that it was the best thing for my son & agreed. After she got severely beaten by her new dude she filed for divorce & moved back to the mitten. We decided that I would try & reconnect w/ my son & started spending a lot of time together. We were never in a relationship but had many intimate(physically & emotionally) times together. She ended up going back to Texas & moving back in w/ her husband. 6 years later, I received a letter in the mail saying that I had to take a DNA/paternity test. When I showed up at the lab to take the test they showed me a picture of a woman & asked if I knew her. I did. So several weeks after they swabbed the inside of my cheek I learned that I now had a daughter. Her husband got pissed, beat her so bad that she was hospitalized. The state took the kids from her & gave them to her parents who contacted me to see if I wanted to meet my daughter. I went to the house where they were as soon as I could. As soon as she glt out of the hospital she came back to Michigan to claim her children. After spending several months establishing a good relationship w/ my children, guess what, she takes them w/ her back to Texas. She wants me to sign off on my daughter, but I refuse. I'm not making the same mistake twice. We've been to court several times but because my daughter didn't know me for 6 years they cannot award any custody to me & since I signed my rights off on my son long ago there's no chance of even court ordered visitation. So for now I don't even get to speak to them let alone see them. Their mom does everything possible to avoid any contact & the court system is of no help to me. So or now I try to call & send cards/ letters & pay my child support hoping that maybe I can be in their lives again soon. My son will be 14 on January 29th & my daughter will be 10 in June. So to answer your question,  I guess it is what it is. Cheers

Quote from: cultureslayer on December 28, 2013, 09:55:42 PM

You need to lecture him on how women are not property to be given away or asked for. He should be spending his time earning her (and your) respect. 

Truthfully, what I say or think means little. They will do what they want eventually. I think this is a show of respect as much as tradition. (and I am not signing over the title until I am ready. )

edit to add: At least they are telling me.

Well if that is true why bother with asking you? It's obviously important what you think. What he's asking you is….. am I ready for this? Am I good enough?

It's probably a discussion you should have with your daughter as well.

Good luck!

Quote from: cultureslayer on December 28, 2013, 09:55:42 PM

You need to lecture him on how women are not property to be given away or asked for. He should be spending his time earning her (and your) respect. 

Truthfully, what I say or think means little. They will do what they want eventually. I think this is a show of respect as much as tradition. (and I am not signing over the title until I am ready. )

edit to add: At least they are telling me.

Well, you said you think he's ok, so just talk about how things will change and he'll have to work at making things work and all that BS.  Can't go too wrong with that.

I'm pretty sure you are less crazy than my parents, so that changes things.  if you were my parents I would have told you.

So I have a feeling that my daughter's boyfriend is going to asking my permission tomorrow. He asked if I was going to be home tomorrow, and he never does that, and he didn't let my daughter know he was coming over to talk to me.

So...ideas advice from the EOE? Been there, had regrets, wish you had said? What happened to you, and did it make an impact?  Is my 44 dirty and in need of cleaning? (Ground is froze so I can't take him out to show him a hole.....I know you should always pre-dig your holes).

Help a dad out here-let's spit-ball some ideas....

"I'll never tell you how to be a husband. I'll never tell you how to be in a marriage. I'll never tell you that you'll have to love her forever, or that you guys have to be a fairytale. I'll only tell you this... lay a hand on her in anger, just once, and the world won't be big enough to hide. Go, with my blessing. Make a life. Make the normal mistakes. Make the best of every day. You know my one warning."

That's the summation of whatever it is I'll say when it's my time.

Your opinion on the matter is invalid. They will do it eventually with or without your approval. I'd respect the fact he asked and take it from there.

Quote from: Max Wedge on December 28, 2013, 09:31:50 PM

So I have a feeling that my daughter's boyfriend is going to asking my permission tomorrow. He asked if I was going to be home tomorrow, and he never does that, and he didn't let my daughter know he was coming over to talk to me.

So...ideas advice from the EOE? Been there, had regrets, wish you had said? What happened to you, and did it make an impact?  Is my 44 dirty and in need of cleaning? (Ground is froze so I can't take him out to show him a hole.....I know you should always pre-dig your holes).

Help a dad out here-let's spit-ball some ideas....

"I'll never tell you how to be a husband. I'll never tell you how to be in a marriage. I'll never tell you that you'll have to love her forever, or that you guys have to be a fairytale. I'll only tell you this... lay a hand on her in anger, just once, and the world won't be big enough to hide. Go, with my blessing. Make a life. Make the normal mistakes. Make the best of every day. You know my one warning."

That's the summation of whatever it is I'll say when it's my time.

Me Likey!  need to have that handy in oh... say about ... hopefully ...18 yrs. when both girls have their college done or have been in the military for at least 4 yrs. My lil one just turned 4 today!

:-)

Posted from a mobile device. Pardon any typos.

I asked my father in law to be. . . . .out fo respect for him and my mother in law to be, cecause I liked em, and because my wife to be had that kind of relationship to them . . . . .

I don't think it made a difference in the kind of relationship any of us had, but it created good feelings, and cost me not a dime.

As has been said, your heart will guide you.

Last year, my daughter's boyfriend called asking permission to marry her. I gave him a short lecture about hitting and cheating then gave him my blessing. They got married April 27th, 2013.

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So that happened. He talked to both my wife and I, and asked if he had our blessing (not in those exact words) and what she meant to him and how he takes this seriously, and his life plans, and the time frame. I (we) told him how you will make mistakes and marriage is not a 50-50 proposal, but a 100%-100% commitment. They compliment each other well, and share basic values and morals. I'm good with it.

     Good luck to you & them! Cheers

Congrats!

Also, let me know how it goes... I may be having this talk with Liz's dad at some point in the future. 

 

I'm not surprised...she's a keeper!

Quote from: chornbe on December 31, 2013, 06:33:57 AM

Also, let me know how it goes... I may be having this talk with Liz's dad at some point in the future. 

 

I'm not surprised...she's a keeper!

Aside from being awesome and smart and fun and talented and wonderful... the fact that she has put up with so much bullshit regarding my divorce the last couple years and supported my broke ass... Yes, she's a keeper.

I would have assigned him some mandatory reading and told him there was a test he must pass before getting my blessing.    Good thing I don't have kids I guess.

?

Any large mouth bass over 14" is considered a keeper.

Congrats!

...but he didn't have to drink toilet water?  I was told that was an act of courage and faithfulness.  I was told that by drinking the toilet water I would be proving my dedication to his daughter.  I was told drinking toilet water is a super-secret hand-in-marriage tradition...   

I gave two shiney knives and a pony to my Father in Law . . . . best investment ever.