The polar vortex is coming back our way after hitting 50 this past weekend. The roads had too much salt and snow melt for my liking so I couldn't do any riding.
March is a horrible, horrible month. Probably the worst month of the year becasue they tell you spring is coming but it has 31 long, cold days to conquer. March should be named "February II" because it sucks so bad. While we're on it, let's change the calender as follows:
January 15 days.
February 14 days.
February II 15 days.
April 20 days.
May 22 days
June 50 days
July 60 days
August 61 days
September 61 days
October 14 days
November 2 days. Fuck November
December 12 days. The 12 days of Christmas. Let everyone burn themselves out in 12 days. Sure, some will die but it's worth it.
Now, if you do the math we're missing 19 days. Good, we don't need that many days in a year and we will technically live longer with less days in a year.
So there you go, problem solved.
That's not my rant.
My rant actually pertains to people who wash their cars. I'm not referring to people who wait on line at the car wash (That's it's own special sickness) i'm talking about those who drag the hose out and pull the car up in the driveway and get the soapy pail and sponge out.
If you have time to wash a car, you have no life.
Let me say this again: IF YOU HAVE TIME TO WASH A CAR, YOU HAVE NO LIFE.
You are literally out of more important stuff to do. I attempted to compile a list of stuff that is much more important than washing your fucking car and stopped at 1068. I mean, if you wake up on a Saturday morning and proclaim, "HONEY! IM GOING TO WASH THE CAR" you have nothing left. your checkbook is balanced, the pimples on your back are popped, you don't have to piss or shit, your retirement plan is in order, the house is clean, the laundry done, the sink and dishwasher is empty, the grass cut, the leaves picked up the wife fucked, the teeth brushed, the dog groomed, the litter box cleaned, the fridge cleaned, the carpet vacuumed, the zombie apocolypse exit strategy is planned, the fire alarms have fresh batteries, the homework is done, the computer is backed up and thousands & thousands of more important tasks are DONE, FINISHED.
You have nothing to do.
Then go wash your car.
Then kill yourself.