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Author Topic: Weird News  (Read 374990 times)

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Offline Cookie

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #300 on: September 03, 2014, 03:05:24 PM »
Get a room you two.
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Offline squeezer

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #301 on: September 03, 2014, 03:14:30 PM »
Get a room you two.

Still no offense taken.   :bigok:
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Offline kneescrubber

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #302 on: September 03, 2014, 04:18:31 PM »
Your mother was a hamster and your father smellt of eldeberry.
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

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Offline squeezer

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #303 on: September 03, 2014, 04:30:56 PM »
Okay, now if you start farting in my general direction...         :nono:
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Offline Cookie

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #304 on: September 03, 2014, 04:40:57 PM »
The proper response indeed.
“Government is the Entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.”

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Offline squeezer

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #305 on: September 03, 2014, 04:44:59 PM »
On the other hand, we have three dogs so I'm kind of used to it.
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Online bedlamite

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #306 on: September 03, 2014, 04:54:06 PM »
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
A plan is just a list of things that doesn't happen.

Offline Jim

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #307 on: September 03, 2014, 05:13:26 PM »
Silly little rabbit.
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Offline Cookie

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Offline kneescrubber

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Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

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Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #310 on: September 03, 2014, 07:07:18 PM »
Busy news day.
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Offline xsrider

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #311 on: September 03, 2014, 08:54:51 PM »
IBA #14938
Stay healthy, my friend.

Offline squeezer

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #312 on: September 04, 2014, 02:31:03 AM »
Quote
He was decapitated and died at the scene.

I think they could have skipped "and died".
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Offline stew71

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #313 on: September 04, 2014, 02:00:09 PM »
Quote
He was decapitated and died at the scene.

I think they could have skipped "and died".

You're forgetting how much things have to be dumbed down for the average reader these days.
With enough thrust, a pig flies just fine.

Online Papa Lazarou

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #314 on: September 04, 2014, 02:58:55 PM »
Quote
He was decapitated and died at the scene.

I think they could have skipped "and died".

You're forgetting how much things have to be dumbed down for the average reader these days.

Which reminds me of this true story:



An attorney, cross-examining the local coroner, queried, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

"No," the coroner replied.

"Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat?"

The coroner answered, "No."

"Did you check for respiration? Breathing?", asked the attorney.

Again the coroner replied, "No."

"Ah," the attorney said, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back "Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #315 on: September 04, 2014, 03:08:29 PM »
Quote
He was decapitated and died at the scene.

I think they could have skipped "and died".

You're forgetting how much things have to be dumbed down for the average reader these days.

Which reminds me of this true story:



An attorney, cross-examining the local coroner, queried, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

"No," the coroner replied.

"Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat?"

The coroner answered, "No."

"Did you check for respiration? Breathing?", asked the attorney.

Again the coroner replied, "No."

"Ah," the attorney said, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back "Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."


 :rolf:
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Offline Jim

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #316 on: September 04, 2014, 03:08:35 PM »
High school speech class: I said "fatally killed" in a speech. `still remember it. Lesson learned.
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Offline coho

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #317 on: September 04, 2014, 03:23:29 PM »
High school speech class: I said "fatally killed" in a speech. `still remember it. Lesson learned.

Quite right. Should have said "fatally killed to death".
If it weren't for the therapeutic properties of the occasional off-camber decreasing radius downhill right-hander I'd almost certainly go completely sane.

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Offline Mac

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #318 on: September 04, 2014, 08:55:50 PM »
High school speech class: I said "fatally killed" in a speech. `still remember it. Lesson learned.

Quite right. Should have said "fatally killed to death".


Fatally killed to death posthumously.
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Re: Weird News
« Reply #319 on: September 05, 2014, 08:08:33 AM »
High school speech class: I said "fatally killed" in a speech. `still remember it. Lesson learned.
Quite right. Should have said "fatally killed to death".
Fatally killed to death posthumously.
Fatally killed to death, posthumously, indubitably.
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Offline Jet-A-Pumper

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #320 on: September 05, 2014, 11:45:09 AM »
This is about a gross as it gets. Don't read any further if you have a weak stomach. You've Been Warned!












Employee ejaculated in coworker's coffee... on more than one occasion.

http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2014/09/charges_john_lind_of_blaine_ejaculated_in_coworkers_coffee_on_more_than_one_occasion.php


According to charges filed in Ramsey County, 34-year-old Blaine resident John Lind had a crush on one of his coworkers at Beisswenger's in New Brighton. That's not criminal. What is, however, is the beyond-belief sick way he expressed his affection.

On more than one occasion, Lind allegedly ejaculated into her coffee. Not only that... but she unknowingly drank the dastardly concoction.


"I knew it. I have drank his semen," she said, according to the complaint. "I just thought it was spoiled milk."


 :eek:     :hurl:









Qapla'!

Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #321 on: September 05, 2014, 01:01:29 PM »
You had me at "This is about a gross as it gets."
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Offline JonS

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #322 on: September 08, 2014, 04:58:34 AM »
Drag queen fight. Not much content.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-23098260
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Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #323 on: September 08, 2014, 07:41:24 AM »
Drag queen fight. Not much content.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-23098260



But there were boobs so that was good.
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Offline Jet-A-Pumper

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Qapla'!

Online PatM

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #325 on: September 10, 2014, 08:30:00 PM »
World's Worst Burglar Passes Out Mid-Robbery

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http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/worlds-worst-burglar-passes-out-mid-robbery-photo

 :facepalm:
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Online bedlamite

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #326 on: September 22, 2014, 09:42:50 AM »
http://www.9news.com.au/world/2014/09/22/10/43/woman-undergoes-surgery-to-add-third-breast

Quote
A US massage therapist has gone to extreme lengths to become a reality TV star, undergoing surgery to add a third breast to her chest.

The Florida woman, who goes by the name Jasmine Tridevil, said she spent $20,000 on the procedure a few months ago after finally finding a doctor willing to perform the operation.


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ETA:  http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2014/09/23/report-woman-who-claimed-to-have-third-breast-added-is-fake/?intcmp=features
« Last Edit: September 24, 2014, 08:47:30 AM by bedlamite »
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Offline stew71

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #327 on: September 22, 2014, 12:05:55 PM »
High school speech class: I said "fatally killed" in a speech. `still remember it. Lesson learned.

I still remember listening to my dad describe an F-15 demo flight at an airshow....

"It went straight up out of sight until you couldn't see it anymore."

Still gets a chuckle at family get-togethers.
With enough thrust, a pig flies just fine.

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #328 on: September 28, 2014, 07:47:43 AM »
This was in the news, so it must be true.
http://metro.co.uk/2014/09/28/baby-transformed-into-a-full-grown-man-in-seconds-mother-claims-4884853/


Baby 'grew into full-grown man in seconds'

An African newspaper has secured what could be the biggest story of the century… after reporting on a two-month-old baby who grew into a man in seconds.

The Daily Observer has regaled its readers with the tale of Smith Freeman, the son of 16-year-old Lorpu Kollie.

Lorpu claims that as she was walking to a farm with her baby, he spoke to her, demanding that she untie a baby sling and put him down. The teenager obliged.

Marcus N Malayea, the journalist on the story, then wrote: ‘As soon as she put Smith down, the two-month-old boy instantaneously began to grow into a full-grown man!’

Apparently, Smith was unhappy that his grandmother had been continually insulting him.

‘He even threatened to bring incense and garlic into the home,’ the exclusive added.

Once his transformation was complete, the ‘man’ apparently ran into the bush, and hasn’t been seen since.

Lorpu has insisted that her son ‘did not have any scar or deformity on his body that could convince community dwellers that the baby was somehow belonging to the dark world’.

Smith’s father, Watson Freeman, said his son’s disappearance was ‘incredible and mind-blowing’.

But amazingly, the family’s main concern is how Lorpu may be stigmatised in the community by what has happened to her son, and ‘drive away any man who may wish to take her as a future wife’.
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #329 on: September 30, 2014, 07:58:44 AM »
ETA:  http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2014/09/23/report-woman-who-claimed-to-have-third-breast-added-is-fake/?intcmp=features

After thinking about this a bit.., ya, I know...
The existence of a prosthetic doesn't prove she's fake.  Transexuals wear falsies before getting their surgery.
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Online HipGnosis

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #330 on: October 10, 2014, 08:15:52 AM »
Hen did
 
Woman confesses to having sex with dwarf stripper on hen do after giving birth to baby with dwarfism

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/bride-who-sex-dwarf-stripper-4407891#ixzz3FkOxX1ls

I'll let Papa translate.
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Offline I'm NOT Carl

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #331 on: October 10, 2014, 09:00:17 AM »
Hen Do = Ladies Night Out

Otherwise it seems pretty clear  :o

Carl
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Re: Weird News
« Reply #332 on: November 19, 2014, 02:16:50 PM »
Hen Do = Ladies Night Out

Otherwise it seems pretty clear  :o

Carl


Hen Do-=bride's last chance to get really drunk with her friends before she gets married.

Anyway, here's a new offering: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30111525

A hotel that "fined" a couple £100 who described it as a "rotten, stinking hovel" will refund the money.

Tony and Jan Jenkinson posted the comments on the Trip Advisor website after spending a night at the Broadway Hotel, for which they paid £36.

The couple, from Whitehaven, had the £100 charge levied to their credit card two days later.

The Blackpool hotel has now said it will refund the money and vowed to improve the facilities.

It introduced the policy of charging people who wrote bad reviews to prevent "customers from defaming" the business, a spokesman said.

In a statement, the hotel said: "We exercised this policy with Mr and Mrs Jenkinson as we felt extremely upset by their actions and insulting comments towards our staff.

"We agree there is room for improvement at our establishment and we desperately want to turn things around."

The hotel has now cancelled its policy after Blackpool Trading Standards warned it could be illegal.

Broadway bosses accused some "disgruntled customers" of abusing the review capability of TripAdvisor.

"We have found that customers will threaten us with bad reviews simply to gain a discount," the hotel said.


I'm sure the place is fine, if you don't mind filthy rooms, peeling wallpaper, black mould, no hot water and a chef who drinks cider for breakfast.

Reviews here: http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186332-d554701-Reviews-Broadway_Hotel-Blackpool_Lancashire_England.html

Here's my favourite so far:
“Family stay”
3 of 5 stars Reviewed 3 weeks ago

We stayed at the Broadway overnight on the 17/10/14 after reading the review I was a bit worried and even took my flee spray, but it was ok bedding was clean breakfast was not to bad and it was ok for a overnight stay. Yes it does need alot of TLC and it could be a great hotel staff very nice fire alarm went of twice but that was because they had a smoke machine going in the bar ?? Overall not has bad as the other reviews.
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #334 on: November 19, 2014, 04:38:48 PM »
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

Offline Scratch

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EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!
« Reply #335 on: November 20, 2014, 09:50:33 AM »

Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #336 on: November 20, 2014, 12:32:38 PM »
R2D2 the crime fighter.
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #337 on: November 20, 2014, 02:50:44 PM »
Just run upstairs?
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

Offline Scratch

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #338 on: November 20, 2014, 02:56:05 PM »
Pop a trash bag over it.

Pop a trash can over it.

Pop a flaming car tire over it a la Gatso.

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #339 on: November 20, 2014, 04:31:07 PM »
We may be going to heck in a hand-basket, but at least we should enjoy the view.
Vacation Breasts.
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Offline kneescrubber

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #340 on: December 05, 2014, 06:50:31 PM »
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline CLAY

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #341 on: December 05, 2014, 08:54:11 PM »
He works in DC?  Next time I'm there (which will actually probably be in a year and a half) I should look him up just to say "Hi".
"Most accidents happen when the meek meet the douchebags."  -Viffergyrl
"The wider the road, the worse the food." -Coho
Let's do some science.

Offline kneescrubber

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #342 on: December 05, 2014, 09:10:26 PM »
He works in DC?  Next time I'm there (which will actually probably be in a year and a half) I should look him up just to say "Hi".

Ummm...I don't really know how to reply to that.


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Re: Weird News
« Reply #343 on: December 07, 2014, 04:33:17 PM »
The Brits have got their shorts twisted over a Christmas Card

http://newsinlondon.com/british-retailer-yanks-offensive-christmas-card/
Quote
British retailer yanks offensive Christmas card

The card lists 10 reasons, among them: “He has a serial record for breaking and entering,” “He’s never actually been seen doing any work in his whole life,” and “He can get hold of all the latest designer gear but never pays a penny for it!”

Brits took to social media to express their outrage at the company’s demonization of social housing residents.


Who wrote that card? Was that you Papa?  :bigsmile:
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Offline mxvet57

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #344 on: December 07, 2014, 06:06:16 PM »
Merry Christmas 
At the risk of encouraging him, I agree with Cookie.   "Bomber"

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Offline kneescrubber

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #345 on: December 08, 2014, 06:45:34 AM »
http://www.vox.com/2014/12/4/7332411/fart-flatulence

Quote
No, you can't hold a fart in until it disappears


This might seem obvious, but for whatever reason, people wonder about this question. At times, after holding in a fart for a while for social reasons, it can seem to disappear.

However, this isn't actually possible. It might seem to vanish because you stop being conscious of it, and it leaks out gradually, but the physics of flatulence are pretty straightforward. A fart is a bubble of gas, and there's ultimately nowhere for it to go besides out of your anus
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline Cookie

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #346 on: December 08, 2014, 07:27:24 AM »
OK then. Why would one deny the world their glorious gas?

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Offline Veefer800canuck

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #347 on: December 08, 2014, 09:31:37 AM »
Everyone loves their own brand don't they!
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Online HipGnosis

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #348 on: December 09, 2014, 10:28:34 AM »
Woman wakes up to find mystery baby in bed
http://fox2now.com/2014/12/07/woman-wakes-up-to-find-mystery-baby-in-bed/

BATTLE CREEK, MI — A Michigan woman woke up to find an infant in her bed. She did not know where the baby came from or who it belonged to.
The baby was turned over to police. They found the child’s family and reunited the baby with his mother.
The baby was put there by the woman’s son before he went out for the night, according to Battle Creek police. He did not tell his sleeping mother what he was doing.
The baby is not related to the man who dropped him off.
Child Protective Services is in the process of investigating the incident.
Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live. - Anna Quindlen

Online PatM

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Re: Weird News
« Reply #349 on: December 14, 2014, 03:39:17 PM »
Police: Mom posts pics of son dressed as girl on Facebook as form of discipline

WINTER GARDEN, Fla. A mother and her roommate are facing charges after they forced her 10-year-old son to dress up like a girl to humiliate him as a form of discipline, Winter Garden police said.
Christle Prado and Keith Driscoll were charged with cruelty toward children and infliction of mental injury on a child, police said.
Authorities said police found out about the case after the boy's relative saw the photos on Facebook of the boy crying while dressed as a girl and wearing makeup.

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/police-mom-posts-pics-son-facebook-dressed-girl-fo/njRSJ/
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