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Author Topic: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread  (Read 84217 times)

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Online Flyer

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #450 on: August 16, 2020, 06:59:03 PM »
“A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.''I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'”
"We have constructed pyramids, in honour of our escaping." - Jim Morrison”
“And the music was good, and the music was loud, and the singer he turned as he said to the crowd, LET THERE BE ROCK!” -Angus Young
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Online Papa Lazarou

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #451 on: August 20, 2020, 04:21:33 AM »
If Elvis was still alive today, what would he be doing? Recording new songs, enjoying a long retirement, being President of the US?























None of the above. Still scratching the lid of his coffin and screaming.
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

Offline zer0netgain

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #452 on: August 20, 2020, 07:57:53 AM »
If Elvis was still alive today, what would he be doing? Recording new songs, enjoying a long retirement, being President of the US?

None of the above. Still scratching the lid of his coffin and screaming.

Nah.  He would have ran out of air long ago.  ;)
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Online Papa Lazarou

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #453 on: August 23, 2020, 03:29:22 AM »
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebee.”
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter

Online HipGnosis

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #454 on: September 24, 2020, 11:02:36 AM »
The teacher asked the class, "Who can tell me the difference between a callgirl, a girlfriend and a wife:"

The class was silent and obviously deep in thought.

Then, Johnny stood up and said "Prepaid, postpaid and unlimited with certain restrictions."
Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live. - Anna Quindlen

Online Flyer

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #455 on: September 24, 2020, 02:20:49 PM »
The teacher asked the class, "Who can tell me the difference between a callgirl, a girlfriend and a wife:"

The class was silent and obviously deep in thought.

Then, Johnny stood up and said "Prepaid, postpaid and unlimited with certain multiple restrictions."
FXT
"We have constructed pyramids, in honour of our escaping." - Jim Morrison”
“And the music was good, and the music was loud, and the singer he turned as he said to the crowd, LET THERE BE ROCK!” -Angus Young
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Online HipGnosis

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Re: Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread
« Reply #456 on: September 24, 2020, 05:47:27 PM »
I dreamt I was attacked by a motorcycle.  Over and over.

It was a vicious cycle.
Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live. - Anna Quindlen