Ape, Ape-the bad joke thread

[Flyer]

“A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.''I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'”

[Papa Lazarou]

If Elvis was still alive today, what would he be doing? Recording new songs, enjoying a long retirement, being President of the US?























None of the above. Still scratching the lid of his coffin and screaming.

[zer0netgain]

If Elvis was still alive today, what would he be doing? Recording new songs, enjoying a long retirement, being President of the US?

None of the above. Still scratching the lid of his coffin and screaming.

Nah.  He would have ran out of air long ago. 

[Papa Lazarou]

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebee.”

[HipGnosis]

The teacher asked the class, "Who can tell me the difference between a callgirl, a girlfriend and a wife:"

The class was silent and obviously deep in thought.

Then, Johnny stood up and said "Prepaid, postpaid and unlimited with certain restrictions."

[Flyer]

The teacher asked the class, "Who can tell me the difference between a callgirl, a girlfriend and a wife:"

The class was silent and obviously deep in thought.

Then, Johnny stood up and said "Prepaid, postpaid and unlimited with certain multiple restrictions."

FXT

[HipGnosis]

I dreamt I was attacked by a motorcycle.  Over and over.

It was a vicious cycle.